Bills Killer!

As noted in yesterday’s post, it seems the stories we are witnessing from the NFL seem to involve many of the same characters:

Terrell Owens:

The “T.O. Show” is getting a lot of press in Canada because Buffalo is close to Toronto, and Toronto wishes it was Buffalo (ZING!). I can only shake my head at this. It seems that sports fans are incapable of reasoned thinking when it comes to their team. With T.O.’s every new destination, my friends who are fans of that team become devotees of the “Human H-Bomb”. They go from snickering in disbelief at how Owens wrecks every locker room he invades to uttering platitudes like “Well, he’s always well-behaved in the first year, and, well, the guy can play”.

Franchises that have suffered through T.O.’s scorched earth policies: Four (I include Baltimore).

Super Bowl wins: Zero.

Hey, I’m a Dolphins fan, so I welcome any factor that will keep the Bills in the gutter!

Plaxico Burress:

If ever they make a movie about Plaxico Burress’ life, it should be directed by Quentin Tarantino and he should borrow a line from his masterpiece “Pulp Fiction”. Only instead of John Travolta saying “Ah man, I shot Marvin in the face!!” it should be Plaxico, playing himself of course, exclaiming “Ah man, I shot myself in the leg!”. Then Plaxico should roll around on the ground clutching his leg yelling “Whyyyyy meeeeeee!?!?!” à-la Nancy Kerrigan. Yeah, someone needs to make this happen.

Dolphins Ownership:

Jimmy Buffet. Gloria Estefan. Marc Anthony (the singer, not the Roman Senator). Some dude called Steven Ross. And now, the Williams Sisters. Pardon me as I indulge in a little self-deprecation: “WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH MY DOLPHINS!!!”. Thank you. Here’s hoping Dolphins ownership is never put in charge of the Super Bowl halftime show, because that would be worse than the year they had Diana Ross.

Raiders Shenanigans:

Tom Cable, Head Coach of the Oakland Raiders, punched one of his assistants in the face. I would like to thank the Raiders for once again providing comic relief to a league that often takes itself too seriously.

Did I miss anything? What storylines will you be following as the season unfolds?