The Buffoon-In-Chief

Welcome to 2009′s first edition of The Pimple, my literary foray into the world of the National Football League. The 2009 season already has a number of riveting sub-plots, but the cast of characters is strikingly similar to past years:

Brett Favre:

For one we have The Buffoon deciding that after all, he’s not done harassing those like myself that appreciate people who can make a decsision and stick to it (within reason, of course). The Brett is a Viking now, and wants us to believe the choice of team has nothing to do with the stick in his ass he insists was placed there by Packer GM Ted Thompson (apparently Favre thought it was ok to go months into the offseason without telling the GM of your team whether or not you’re coming back, and felt spurned when the Packers moved on after repeated offseasons of this melodrama. This was but a preview of what was to become a full-blown tradition).

No, apparently there is no ill will to be deciphered from the fact that he’s just signed with the Packers hated rival, the team the Packers insisted he could not be traded to last year because it was deemed too much of a threat (turns out a leaky defence was a greater threat, but I digress).

I have nothing against once-great players sticking around past their prime. If you love the game that much, and don’t care what level you’re playing, all the power to you. For example, I totally respect Rickey Henderson’s decision to play into his forties for a bevy of minor-league teams. What bothers me is being dicked around by a half-wit man-child who can’t decide whether he’s coming or going, despite insisting at every plot turn that this time “It’s for good”. It’s the boy who cried wolf in a media obsessed environment.

Is there anyone out there not wearing purple still cheering for Brett Favre? This man – not through murder, dog fighting, domestic abuse, drug abuse (ok maybe a little Vicodin) or DUI, but through indecision – has gone from universally lauded legend to a villain we just can’t shake. The worst part of him coming back is knowing he’ll leave again. And then, who knows?

Michael Vick:

I’m no fan of Donovan McNabb, but I’ve got to admit he’s a brave, brave man in lobbying to bring Michael Vick into the Eagle’s fold. The Eagles are one of those teams that I love to hate (heck, any Philadelphia team is fun to hate!), and the signing of such a villain as Michael Vick is like an early Christmas present. As with any signing of this nature, I don’t expect Vick to get too much of a hard ride in Philly. Eagles fans will turn out to be just as morally fickle as Giants fans (Bonds), Chargers fans (Merriman), and Senators fans (Yashin). If he makes the team better, the fans will embrace him, whether they believe a Canine Holocaust is good or evil.

Eli Manning:

Eli Manning is now the  highest-paid player in football. Give yourself a second to pause and think about that. You can stop shaking your head now. You think David Tyree, the 6th string receiver who pulled in the miracle “Velcro” catch that kept the Giants in the Super Bowl (and thus enabling this ridiculous contract) will get a cut of that? Yeah, life is a cruel mistress at times.

There is no lack of interesting storylines to follow this year, and there are many more that I will outline in the coming days, but that’s all I’ve to for today.