Archive for » August, 2009 «

The Pimple: More Familiar Faces

Thursday, August 20th, 2009 | Author:
Bills Killer!

Bills Killer!

As noted in yesterday’s post, it seems the stories we are witnessing from the NFL seem to involve many of the same characters:

Terrell Owens:

The “T.O. Show” is getting a lot of press in Canada because Buffalo is close to Toronto, and Toronto wishes it was Buffalo (ZING!). I can only shake my head at this. It seems that sports fans are incapable of reasoned thinking when it comes to their team. With T.O.’s every new destination, my friends who are fans of that team become devotees of the “Human H-Bomb”. They go from snickering in disbelief at how Owens wrecks every locker room he invades to uttering platitudes like “Well, he’s always well-behaved in the first year, and, well, the guy can play”.

Franchises that have suffered through T.O.’s scorched earth policies: Four (I include Baltimore).

Super Bowl wins: Zero.

Hey, I’m a Dolphins fan, so I welcome any factor that will keep the Bills in the gutter!

Plaxico Burress:

If ever they make a movie about Plaxico Burress’ life, it should be directed by Quentin Tarantino and he should borrow a line from his masterpiece “Pulp Fiction”. Only instead of John Travolta saying “Ah man, I shot Marvin in the face!!” it should be Plaxico, playing himself of course, exclaiming “Ah man, I shot myself in the leg!”. Then Plaxico should roll around on the ground clutching his leg yelling “Whyyyyy meeeeeee!?!?!” à-la Nancy Kerrigan. Yeah, someone needs to make this happen.

Dolphins Ownership:

Jimmy Buffet. Gloria Estefan. Marc Anthony (the singer, not the Roman Senator). Some dude called Steven Ross. And now, the Williams Sisters. Pardon me as I indulge in a little self-deprecation: “WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH MY DOLPHINS!!!”. Thank you. Here’s hoping Dolphins ownership is never put in charge of the Super Bowl halftime show, because that would be worse than the year they had Diana Ross.

Raiders Shenanigans:

Tom Cable, Head Coach of the Oakland Raiders, punched one of his assistants in the face. I would like to thank the Raiders for once again providing comic relief to a league that often takes itself too seriously.

Did I miss anything? What storylines will you be following as the season unfolds?

Category: The Pimple  | Tags: , , , , , ,  | 2 Comments

The Pimple: Brett Favre, Man-Child of a Generation

Wednesday, August 19th, 2009 | Author:
The Buffoon

The Buffoon-In-Chief

Welcome to 2009′s first edition of The Pimple, my literary foray into the world of the National Football League. The 2009 season already has a number of riveting sub-plots, but the cast of characters is strikingly similar to past years:

Brett Favre:

For one we have The Buffoon deciding that after all, he’s not done harassing those like myself that appreciate people who can make a decsision and stick to it (within reason, of course). The Brett is a Viking now, and wants us to believe the choice of team has nothing to do with the stick in his ass he insists was placed there by Packer GM Ted Thompson (apparently Favre thought it was ok to go months into the offseason without telling the GM of your team whether or not you’re coming back, and felt spurned when the Packers moved on after repeated offseasons of this melodrama. This was but a preview of what was to become a full-blown tradition).

No, apparently there is no ill will to be deciphered from the fact that he’s just signed with the Packers hated rival, the team the Packers insisted he could not be traded to last year because it was deemed too much of a threat (turns out a leaky defence was a greater threat, but I digress).

I have nothing against once-great players sticking around past their prime. If you love the game that much, and don’t care what level you’re playing, all the power to you. For example, I totally respect Rickey Henderson’s decision to play into his forties for a bevy of minor-league teams. What bothers me is being dicked around by a half-wit man-child who can’t decide whether he’s coming or going, despite insisting at every plot turn that this time “It’s for good”. It’s the boy who cried wolf in a media obsessed environment.

Is there anyone out there not wearing purple still cheering for Brett Favre? This man – not through murder, dog fighting, domestic abuse, drug abuse (ok maybe a little Vicodin) or DUI, but through indecision – has gone from universally lauded legend to a villain we just can’t shake. The worst part of him coming back is knowing he’ll leave again. And then, who knows?

Michael Vick:

I’m no fan of Donovan McNabb, but I’ve got to admit he’s a brave, brave man in lobbying to bring Michael Vick into the Eagle’s fold. The Eagles are one of those teams that I love to hate (heck, any Philadelphia team is fun to hate!), and the signing of such a villain as Michael Vick is like an early Christmas present. As with any signing of this nature, I don’t expect Vick to get too much of a hard ride in Philly. Eagles fans will turn out to be just as morally fickle as Giants fans (Bonds), Chargers fans (Merriman), and Senators fans (Yashin). If he makes the team better, the fans will embrace him, whether they believe a Canine Holocaust is good or evil.

Eli Manning:

Eli Manning is now the  highest-paid player in football. Give yourself a second to pause and think about that. You can stop shaking your head now. You think David Tyree, the 6th string receiver who pulled in the miracle “Velcro” catch that kept the Giants in the Super Bowl (and thus enabling this ridiculous contract) will get a cut of that? Yeah, life is a cruel mistress at times.

There is no lack of interesting storylines to follow this year, and there are many more that I will outline in the coming days, but that’s all I’ve to for today.

Category: The Pimple  | Tags: , , , ,  | 5 Comments

Soccer Pimp: ESPN’s Sports Guy Sees The Light

Tuesday, August 18th, 2009 | Author:
Bill Simmons discovers soccer

Bill Simmons discovers soccer

I quit reading Bill Simmons a few years ago when it seemed 9 out of 10 columns were dedicated to a sport I have no time for – basketball.  Moonturk forwarded this amazing article Simmons wrote following his trip to Azteca to watch the U.S.A. take on Mexico in a World Cup qualifier last week. Check it out.

Check in tomorrow as I launch the NFL season here at OSG with a post about The Buffoon. Can you guess who “The Buffoon” is?

Category: Soccer Pimp  | 3 Comments

The Twit: Of Alex Rios, Michael Vick and Patrick Kane…

Tuesday, August 11th, 2009 | Author:
Rios off to the playoffs - not much of a penalty for sucking

Rios off to the playoffs - not much of a penalty for sucking

…and Michael Schumacher and Roger Federer and other goodies.

- Yesterday Alexis Rios became a member of the Chicago White Sox, at no cost to them save for his inflated (we believe) salary. It’s really too bad it didn’t work out in Toronto and I feel that he should have been given a crack in centre field over Vernon Wells. But don’t feel too bad for him. He becomes the starting centre fielder on a team in the thick of a pennant race. I wouldn’t be surprised if he finally finds his moxy after this move. Blair seems to think this is yet another sign that Rogers has pretty much given up on competing. I’m not willing to concede that…yet.

- Thanks to my hiatus, I haven’t really had the opportunity to chime in on the Michael Vick issue. Those of you that know me might be surprised to hear this, but I agree with the decision to let him back into the league. As far as I’m concerned he’s paid his dues to society according to the laws in place. I don’t want him on my team (the Dolphins), and what he did still disgusts me, but if some GM out there want to risk alienating his fan base, I say go for it. My feeling is that he’ll land somewhere before the season starts so he can immediately start serving his six-game suspension (which I agree with, since he had lied to club and league officials about his off-the-field issues). In my view the best fits would be Minnesota, San Francisco, Buffalo or Cleveland (ironically, the Dawg Pound).

- Innocent until proven guilty, but come on now. The accusations Patrick Kane faces regarding the beating of a cab driver for refusing to provide 20 cents in change have a certain authenticity that only someone who grew up in a small town with a AAA midget hockey team can relate to. Most star players have been raised to believe that the world is their oyster and should a plebeian step out of line in denying them something, consequences must follow. Society has a way of protecting these patricians until the day it doesn’t. For a long time the media protected players from all kinds of unsavory reporting, but those days are long gone and star athletes need to realize that off the ice/field/track/court, they must play by the same rules as everyone else.

- Turning to F1, which I’ve stopped writing about because most of the action happens off the track, had me excited about its next race if only to see what Michael Schumacher could bring to the track in a comeback necessitated by Felipe Massa’s frightening and possibly career-ending injury. Not too fast, though, as the word is that he is pulling out due to injuries incurred in a biking accident earlier in the year. Oh well, maybe reports that Jacques Villeneuve will come back to the circuit with USF1 will bear fruit and turn my attention back to this rotting sport.

- I’m almost embarrassed that both Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal are playing at the Rogers Cup in Montreal and I’m not going to check them out. Bad tennis fan! Bad!

- Oh and yeah, I am in interest to see if Tiger Woods can win the PGA Championship. Might even watch a bit of it if he’s in contention on Sunday.

- Is there an issue I’ve overlooked in the past month that you’d like to see me cover? Let me know in the comments section.

Category: The Twit  | Tags: , , , , , ,  | 3 Comments

The Rosin Bag: Emerging From The Madness

Wednesday, August 05th, 2009 | Author:
Gut tells me Roy starts next season as a Jay

Gut tells me Roy starts next season as a Jay

Wondering why I’ve been quiet?

To be honest, I lost a whole lot of respect for the sports media, both mainstream and blogger-based, over the past month. The whole Halladay Fiasco turned some of the reporters and commentators I respected most into TMZ-style Twitter-twits, one long stream of consciousness with little intelligent opinion or fact-based reporting.  As usual, though, Stephen Brunt was above this rabble, injecting sanity at key moments.

And so I decided to take a break. It’s not like I have a huge readership, or that my “voice” actually matters, but refraining from adding to the madness allowed me to be at peace with my opinions, which I had shared right when Ken Rosenthal “broke” his “story”. To wit: Roy Halladay was going nowhere, JP was bound by his job description to listen to offers, which is all he said (at first). How that little comment turned into a full-blown media shit-hurricane can be attributed to bored columnists and our society’s transient needs.

The whole episode can be recapped thusly: GM says he’ll listen to offers because that’s what GM’s do; GM would need to be blown away by an offer; such an offer was not forthcoming; Halladay is still a Blue Jay. If you were out of the country for the past month, that’s all you need to know. You’re welcome.

Almost lost in all of this is the fact that Scott Rolen is no longer with the team. According to some reports he wanted out to be close to the Mid-West. Despite the loss of one of my favourite Jays players (Fossil Fries please!), the Jays apparently did very well in the trade, getting a 3rd baseman in Edwin Encarnacion who with a little bit of defensive tweaking might grow into an everyday player, plus two pitching prospects with live arms.

But here’s what I’m looking at as objectively as I can: Supposing Halladay sticks around through the winter, the Jays (who are definitely out of it this year) are looking at an opening day rotation of Doc, Shaun Marcum, Ricky Romero, Brett Cecil and a fifth pitcher who could be any one of Scott Richmond, Jesse Litsch, Brad Mills, Mark Rzepcynski, Brian Tallet, Rob Ray, David Purcey or maybe (MAYBE) Dustin McGowan. Talk about depth in starting pitching.

Cecil and Romero, both rookies, are rounding into fantastic starters. Cecil is 5-1 with a 4.36 ERA and Romero is 10-4 with a 3.53 ERA. If you need any kind of incentive to tune into Jays games for the rest of the season, these two kids are good candidates.

Then take a look at Travis Snider, who just won the PCL’s Player of the Week award, and you can take a deep breath. Ok, Snider is finding his swing again. Maybe he can take over for Lind in left and in turn Lind can assume his natural DH spot (talk about a backhanded compliment!).

Maybe in a perfect world the Jays trade Alex Rios in the offseason and turn the page on this disaster. Vernon Wells is staying, kids, so might as well accept it and move on. One question I do have though: with lots of columnists musing that teams who were interested in Alex Rios would have moved him to his natural position of centre field, and considering how terrible Wells has been (one SABR-estimate a few weeks ago had him costing the Jays 28 runs with his defence up to that point in the season), why not switch them up? Put Rios in centre, and Wells in right! All you’re hurting is Wells’ ego and maybe in doing so Rios gets a psychological boost?

Anyway, the point is, it’s easy to get real down about how this season has turned out, especially considering the circus the media just concocted for us. Take a step back, breathe, and you’ll see that things ARE lining up for a run in 2010.

Sure there are question marks (3rd base, Scutaro leaving after the season), but name me a team that doesn’t have any of those?

Category: The Rosin Bag  | Tags: , , , , ,  | 2 Comments