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Soccer Pimp: Evertonian Impressions

Monday, December 07th, 2009 | Author:

Goldenballs holding the new World Cup ball

Before I get going, let me address the egregious lack of posting since August. Yes, I’m aware I’ve neglected the blog, Yes, I’m aware some of you are disappointed. No, I won’t apologize. Life (and procrastination) has a way of getting in the way of my amateur writing career, so it is what it is.

________________________

Man, am I ever stoked for the World Cup. So stoked that I plunked down $15 extra per month, on a four-month mandatory contract with Rogers to get Setanta. Fifteen dollars is price-gouging at its very worst (shocker coming from the cable industry, I know), but the fever hit this weekend and I want to be completely versed on as many World Cup players as possible come June 11th. Oh, and for $15, you’d think the channel would be available in HD at the very least – no such luck (to join the “soccer in HD” conversation, check out the comments to this William Houston post).

And so it was that on Saturday, I was able to watch Manchester City defy the odds and hand Chelsea its 3rd loss of the season. As good as that game was, Sunday’s match pitting my Toffees to Tottenham had me on the edge of my seat from beginning to end.

I’m sad to admit that it was the first Everton match I’ve watched this season, but I know all the players thanks to FIFA 10. This is a talented bunch but they have been decimated by injury, and on Sunday all four defenders were fullbacks: Tony Hibbert and Lucas Neill, who filled in as centre backs, are usually found on the right side of defence, while Seamus Robinson and Leighton Baines were on the right and left sides, respectively.

Following a goalless first half, Tottenham knocked two into the Everton goal and I thought it was game over. I could see that Tottenham were just breezing through the Everton midfield, there was no opposition whatsoever. It left me yearning for a Gennaro Gattuso 0r Roy Keane type of midfield stopper, that bulldog that every good team needs to disrupt opposing offensive manoeuvres before they really become a threat.

As it was, Jermaine Defoe and Michael Dawson had free reign in assaulting the Everton goal. It looked like another Everton loss, and with Chelsea as their next opponent and coming off the aforementioned loss to Manchester City, I was starting to believe that Everton was headed for a second half relegation struggle.

Hey, that might still happen, but the Toffees showed something on Sunday that leads me to believe there is no way in hell they will be relegated. When Louis Saha was brought on in the 63rd, shortly after the second Tottenham goal, the Everton spirit was evident and the game took on a different tone. When Saha potted his 10th goal of the campaign to make it 2-1, we knew we were at least in line for an exciting finished. We were not going to be disappointed.

Australian internation Tim Cahill equalizes

Australian internation Tim Cahill equalizes

Everton proceeded to lay siege to the Hotspur goal, constantly asking questions of the Tottenham defence until they could no longer answer; in the 86th minute, Tim Cahill blasted a shot past Brazilian keeper Gomes to make the game 2-2. Game over, right?

Wrong.

In the 94th minute, Honduran Wilson Palacios came barreling into the Everton penalty area, leading with his head to knock the ball forward. Unfortunately, Tony Hibbert was also charging at the ball and instead of knocking the ball out of play he knocked Palacios into the next postal code. Entertaining? Yes. As a Canadian, satisfying to see a Honduran footballer LEGITIMATELY lying on the pitch? Absolutely (your cheque is in the mail, Tony). Smart? No. The referee immediately pointed to the spot and Jermaine Defoe lined up to take it.

The USA’s hopes in the upcoming World Cup will rest largely upon the shoulders of Everton keeper Tim Howard. While I had already conceded that Everton would end up losing the game despite their courageous fightback (and aren’t those the worst of the gut punch games?), Tim Howard had different ideas. Before the kick he kept gesturing wildly, I guess in an attempt to throw Defoe off his game. Whatever it was, it worked. Defoe drilled the ball straight into the middle and Howard, who had hesitated briefly before diving to his right, knocked the ball away to safety with the tips of his toes. Game saved.

I have been away from soccer for too long. I seem to go through these waves of enthusiasm, or lack thereof, after Canada inevitably fails out of qualifying for my favourite spectator sporting event, the FIFA World Cup. I haven’t felt that visceral excitement watching a sporting event in a long time (probably since Adrian Serioux knocked that header into the goal back in Montreal in 2008), and this was just a league game on a lazy Sunday in December.

Will you have me back, old friend?

Category: Soccer Pimp  | Tags: , , , , , , , ,  | 3 Comments

The Pimple: More Familiar Faces

Thursday, August 20th, 2009 | Author:
Bills Killer!

Bills Killer!

As noted in yesterday’s post, it seems the stories we are witnessing from the NFL seem to involve many of the same characters:

Terrell Owens:

The “T.O. Show” is getting a lot of press in Canada because Buffalo is close to Toronto, and Toronto wishes it was Buffalo (ZING!). I can only shake my head at this. It seems that sports fans are incapable of reasoned thinking when it comes to their team. With T.O.’s every new destination, my friends who are fans of that team become devotees of the “Human H-Bomb”. They go from snickering in disbelief at how Owens wrecks every locker room he invades to uttering platitudes like “Well, he’s always well-behaved in the first year, and, well, the guy can play”.

Franchises that have suffered through T.O.’s scorched earth policies: Four (I include Baltimore).

Super Bowl wins: Zero.

Hey, I’m a Dolphins fan, so I welcome any factor that will keep the Bills in the gutter!

Plaxico Burress:

If ever they make a movie about Plaxico Burress’ life, it should be directed by Quentin Tarantino and he should borrow a line from his masterpiece “Pulp Fiction”. Only instead of John Travolta saying “Ah man, I shot Marvin in the face!!” it should be Plaxico, playing himself of course, exclaiming “Ah man, I shot myself in the leg!”. Then Plaxico should roll around on the ground clutching his leg yelling “Whyyyyy meeeeeee!?!?!” à-la Nancy Kerrigan. Yeah, someone needs to make this happen.

Dolphins Ownership:

Jimmy Buffet. Gloria Estefan. Marc Anthony (the singer, not the Roman Senator). Some dude called Steven Ross. And now, the Williams Sisters. Pardon me as I indulge in a little self-deprecation: “WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH MY DOLPHINS!!!”. Thank you. Here’s hoping Dolphins ownership is never put in charge of the Super Bowl halftime show, because that would be worse than the year they had Diana Ross.

Raiders Shenanigans:

Tom Cable, Head Coach of the Oakland Raiders, punched one of his assistants in the face. I would like to thank the Raiders for once again providing comic relief to a league that often takes itself too seriously.

Did I miss anything? What storylines will you be following as the season unfolds?

Category: The Pimple  | Tags: , , , , , ,  | 2 Comments

The Pimple: Brett Favre, Man-Child of a Generation

Wednesday, August 19th, 2009 | Author:
The Buffoon

The Buffoon-In-Chief

Welcome to 2009′s first edition of The Pimple, my literary foray into the world of the National Football League. The 2009 season already has a number of riveting sub-plots, but the cast of characters is strikingly similar to past years:

Brett Favre:

For one we have The Buffoon deciding that after all, he’s not done harassing those like myself that appreciate people who can make a decsision and stick to it (within reason, of course). The Brett is a Viking now, and wants us to believe the choice of team has nothing to do with the stick in his ass he insists was placed there by Packer GM Ted Thompson (apparently Favre thought it was ok to go months into the offseason without telling the GM of your team whether or not you’re coming back, and felt spurned when the Packers moved on after repeated offseasons of this melodrama. This was but a preview of what was to become a full-blown tradition).

No, apparently there is no ill will to be deciphered from the fact that he’s just signed with the Packers hated rival, the team the Packers insisted he could not be traded to last year because it was deemed too much of a threat (turns out a leaky defence was a greater threat, but I digress).

I have nothing against once-great players sticking around past their prime. If you love the game that much, and don’t care what level you’re playing, all the power to you. For example, I totally respect Rickey Henderson’s decision to play into his forties for a bevy of minor-league teams. What bothers me is being dicked around by a half-wit man-child who can’t decide whether he’s coming or going, despite insisting at every plot turn that this time “It’s for good”. It’s the boy who cried wolf in a media obsessed environment.

Is there anyone out there not wearing purple still cheering for Brett Favre? This man – not through murder, dog fighting, domestic abuse, drug abuse (ok maybe a little Vicodin) or DUI, but through indecision – has gone from universally lauded legend to a villain we just can’t shake. The worst part of him coming back is knowing he’ll leave again. And then, who knows?

Michael Vick:

I’m no fan of Donovan McNabb, but I’ve got to admit he’s a brave, brave man in lobbying to bring Michael Vick into the Eagle’s fold. The Eagles are one of those teams that I love to hate (heck, any Philadelphia team is fun to hate!), and the signing of such a villain as Michael Vick is like an early Christmas present. As with any signing of this nature, I don’t expect Vick to get too much of a hard ride in Philly. Eagles fans will turn out to be just as morally fickle as Giants fans (Bonds), Chargers fans (Merriman), and Senators fans (Yashin). If he makes the team better, the fans will embrace him, whether they believe a Canine Holocaust is good or evil.

Eli Manning:

Eli Manning is now the  highest-paid player in football. Give yourself a second to pause and think about that. You can stop shaking your head now. You think David Tyree, the 6th string receiver who pulled in the miracle “Velcro” catch that kept the Giants in the Super Bowl (and thus enabling this ridiculous contract) will get a cut of that? Yeah, life is a cruel mistress at times.

There is no lack of interesting storylines to follow this year, and there are many more that I will outline in the coming days, but that’s all I’ve to for today.

Category: The Pimple  | Tags: , , , ,  | 5 Comments

Soccer Pimp: ESPN’s Sports Guy Sees The Light

Tuesday, August 18th, 2009 | Author:
Bill Simmons discovers soccer

Bill Simmons discovers soccer

I quit reading Bill Simmons a few years ago when it seemed 9 out of 10 columns were dedicated to a sport I have no time for – basketball.  Moonturk forwarded this amazing article Simmons wrote following his trip to Azteca to watch the U.S.A. take on Mexico in a World Cup qualifier last week. Check it out.

Check in tomorrow as I launch the NFL season here at OSG with a post about The Buffoon. Can you guess who “The Buffoon” is?

Category: Soccer Pimp  | 3 Comments

The Twit: Of Alex Rios, Michael Vick and Patrick Kane…

Tuesday, August 11th, 2009 | Author:
Rios off to the playoffs - not much of a penalty for sucking

Rios off to the playoffs - not much of a penalty for sucking

…and Michael Schumacher and Roger Federer and other goodies.

- Yesterday Alexis Rios became a member of the Chicago White Sox, at no cost to them save for his inflated (we believe) salary. It’s really too bad it didn’t work out in Toronto and I feel that he should have been given a crack in centre field over Vernon Wells. But don’t feel too bad for him. He becomes the starting centre fielder on a team in the thick of a pennant race. I wouldn’t be surprised if he finally finds his moxy after this move. Blair seems to think this is yet another sign that Rogers has pretty much given up on competing. I’m not willing to concede that…yet.

- Thanks to my hiatus, I haven’t really had the opportunity to chime in on the Michael Vick issue. Those of you that know me might be surprised to hear this, but I agree with the decision to let him back into the league. As far as I’m concerned he’s paid his dues to society according to the laws in place. I don’t want him on my team (the Dolphins), and what he did still disgusts me, but if some GM out there want to risk alienating his fan base, I say go for it. My feeling is that he’ll land somewhere before the season starts so he can immediately start serving his six-game suspension (which I agree with, since he had lied to club and league officials about his off-the-field issues). In my view the best fits would be Minnesota, San Francisco, Buffalo or Cleveland (ironically, the Dawg Pound).

- Innocent until proven guilty, but come on now. The accusations Patrick Kane faces regarding the beating of a cab driver for refusing to provide 20 cents in change have a certain authenticity that only someone who grew up in a small town with a AAA midget hockey team can relate to. Most star players have been raised to believe that the world is their oyster and should a plebeian step out of line in denying them something, consequences must follow. Society has a way of protecting these patricians until the day it doesn’t. For a long time the media protected players from all kinds of unsavory reporting, but those days are long gone and star athletes need to realize that off the ice/field/track/court, they must play by the same rules as everyone else.

- Turning to F1, which I’ve stopped writing about because most of the action happens off the track, had me excited about its next race if only to see what Michael Schumacher could bring to the track in a comeback necessitated by Felipe Massa’s frightening and possibly career-ending injury. Not too fast, though, as the word is that he is pulling out due to injuries incurred in a biking accident earlier in the year. Oh well, maybe reports that Jacques Villeneuve will come back to the circuit with USF1 will bear fruit and turn my attention back to this rotting sport.

- I’m almost embarrassed that both Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal are playing at the Rogers Cup in Montreal and I’m not going to check them out. Bad tennis fan! Bad!

- Oh and yeah, I am in interest to see if Tiger Woods can win the PGA Championship. Might even watch a bit of it if he’s in contention on Sunday.

- Is there an issue I’ve overlooked in the past month that you’d like to see me cover? Let me know in the comments section.

Category: The Twit  | Tags: , , , , , ,  | 3 Comments

The Rosin Bag: Emerging From The Madness

Wednesday, August 05th, 2009 | Author:
Gut tells me Roy starts next season as a Jay

Gut tells me Roy starts next season as a Jay

Wondering why I’ve been quiet?

To be honest, I lost a whole lot of respect for the sports media, both mainstream and blogger-based, over the past month. The whole Halladay Fiasco turned some of the reporters and commentators I respected most into TMZ-style Twitter-twits, one long stream of consciousness with little intelligent opinion or fact-based reporting.  As usual, though, Stephen Brunt was above this rabble, injecting sanity at key moments.

And so I decided to take a break. It’s not like I have a huge readership, or that my “voice” actually matters, but refraining from adding to the madness allowed me to be at peace with my opinions, which I had shared right when Ken Rosenthal “broke” his “story”. To wit: Roy Halladay was going nowhere, JP was bound by his job description to listen to offers, which is all he said (at first). How that little comment turned into a full-blown media shit-hurricane can be attributed to bored columnists and our society’s transient needs.

The whole episode can be recapped thusly: GM says he’ll listen to offers because that’s what GM’s do; GM would need to be blown away by an offer; such an offer was not forthcoming; Halladay is still a Blue Jay. If you were out of the country for the past month, that’s all you need to know. You’re welcome.

Almost lost in all of this is the fact that Scott Rolen is no longer with the team. According to some reports he wanted out to be close to the Mid-West. Despite the loss of one of my favourite Jays players (Fossil Fries please!), the Jays apparently did very well in the trade, getting a 3rd baseman in Edwin Encarnacion who with a little bit of defensive tweaking might grow into an everyday player, plus two pitching prospects with live arms.

But here’s what I’m looking at as objectively as I can: Supposing Halladay sticks around through the winter, the Jays (who are definitely out of it this year) are looking at an opening day rotation of Doc, Shaun Marcum, Ricky Romero, Brett Cecil and a fifth pitcher who could be any one of Scott Richmond, Jesse Litsch, Brad Mills, Mark Rzepcynski, Brian Tallet, Rob Ray, David Purcey or maybe (MAYBE) Dustin McGowan. Talk about depth in starting pitching.

Cecil and Romero, both rookies, are rounding into fantastic starters. Cecil is 5-1 with a 4.36 ERA and Romero is 10-4 with a 3.53 ERA. If you need any kind of incentive to tune into Jays games for the rest of the season, these two kids are good candidates.

Then take a look at Travis Snider, who just won the PCL’s Player of the Week award, and you can take a deep breath. Ok, Snider is finding his swing again. Maybe he can take over for Lind in left and in turn Lind can assume his natural DH spot (talk about a backhanded compliment!).

Maybe in a perfect world the Jays trade Alex Rios in the offseason and turn the page on this disaster. Vernon Wells is staying, kids, so might as well accept it and move on. One question I do have though: with lots of columnists musing that teams who were interested in Alex Rios would have moved him to his natural position of centre field, and considering how terrible Wells has been (one SABR-estimate a few weeks ago had him costing the Jays 28 runs with his defence up to that point in the season), why not switch them up? Put Rios in centre, and Wells in right! All you’re hurting is Wells’ ego and maybe in doing so Rios gets a psychological boost?

Anyway, the point is, it’s easy to get real down about how this season has turned out, especially considering the circus the media just concocted for us. Take a step back, breathe, and you’ll see that things ARE lining up for a run in 2010.

Sure there are question marks (3rd base, Scutaro leaving after the season), but name me a team that doesn’t have any of those?

Category: The Rosin Bag  | Tags: , , , , ,  | 2 Comments

The Rosin Bag: The Quick Fade of the 2009 Blue Jays

Friday, July 10th, 2009 | Author:

There comes a time in the season where the most ardent supporter, the most “glass-half filled” fan has to just let it go and accept that his team is not a playoff contender. That time has come for me.

The Jays gave it a good run, but ultimately they could not defeat the injury reaper, where every single one of the five starting pitchers spent time on the disabled list. They fought bravely for two-plus months, but eventually suffered from the vertigo that afflicts some teams when they reach heights beyond their means.

It was foolish to believe that a collection of pitchers consisting of Scott Richmond, Brett Cecil, Brad Mills, Brian Tallet and  Marc Rzepczynski could provide enough  support for Roy Halladay and the emerging Ricky Romero. Folly, yes – but they did perform admirably for the first two months of the season.

Inevitably, though, the Blue Jays just could not maintain the excellence needed to keep up with the Red Sox, Yankees and Rays. Career years by Aaron Hill, Marco Scutaro, Adam Lind have been offset by mega-suckage from Vernon Wells and Alex Rios. Travis Snider failed to make the most of his first real chance at stardom, and is toiling away in the minors trying to find his form.

And now we are treated to the three-ring sideshow that is the baseball media falling over themselves trying to create news where none exists. I haven’t commented on the whole Roy Halladay thing yet because to me it’s a non-issue. J.P. Ricciardi merely said what you would expect any GM to say when it comes to trade speculation of an “untouchable” player: he will listen to offers. The shit-show that has ensued has resulted in me not watching a baseball game in a week, knowing that my blood pressure could not handle the idle speculation surrounding the best pitcher in baseball.

All I need to put my heart at ease with this issue is to repeat this to myself: f the Jays traded Roy Halladay on a Monday, what would be the Jays greatest need beginning Tuesday? Answer: an ace in their starting rotation.

I realize that his value will never be higher as it is right now, with 1 1/2 years left in his contract, but that doesn’t matter to me. What matters is that trading Roy Halladay is Jays management telling its fanbase that it really isn’t trying to build a winner anymore, a signal much like the one Expos management sent by trading Pedro Martinez.

There’s a case to be made that the city of Toronto and its populace don’t deserve Roy Halladay. Attendance, which is low to begin with, doesn’t see a significant bump when he takes the mound. I agree to a certain extent, but Blue Jays telecasts have seen a rise in ratings this season and that’s because the Blue Jays continue to establish themselves as Canada’s team. I see more and more Blue Jays caps and jerseys here in Ottawa so something is brewing. It would be a shame to punish the rest of the country’s Jays fans for the shortcomings of Toronto sports fans.

As stated earlier, my feeling is this is a whole bunch of nonsense from a media corps that is bored in the dead of summer and wanted to create excitement. When Fox’s Ken Rosenthal wrote that Halladay was “as good as gone”, his brethren finally had something to write about beyond steroids and All-Star voting.

I will continue to avert my eyes for the time being. Roy isn’t going anywhere, and may even sign long-term in the offseason, and we will continue to have faith that Rogers will eventually put a winning product on the field. We’re really not that far away from that, if you look at things objectively.

Category: The Rosin Bag  | Tags: , , , ,  | One Comment

Frozen Vulcan: Hitler Does Not Approve

Wednesday, July 08th, 2009 | Author:

You may remember the Terrell Owens spin on this scene from Valkyrie, but this one hits a little closer to home for fans of the Senators:

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Frozen Vulcan: Senator Kovalev

Tuesday, July 07th, 2009 | Author:

Kovalev: A move that doesnt inspire much confidence in the GM

Question: right from the beginning of Sens training camp last season, what was the team’s glaring weakness as stated by those in the know?

Answer: a puck-moving defenceman.

Time and time we were told that the Senators could not get the offence going because as soon as the puck was played deep into their end, opponents pressured its nervous and granite-handed defencemen into turning it over. Without the ability to get the puck out of the zone the forwards were forced to retreat deeper and deeper in order to lend a hand, leaving them wide open to neutral zone turnovers. Even to this layman’s eyes, the lack of a sure-handed offensive defenceman was more than obvious.

Apparently, Senators GM Bryan Murray disagrees.

Murray’s answer to this dilemna is to sign an aging right-winger who’s being run out of town by his former coach and GM for lack of effort. This from a team in the midst of a saga involving a disgruntled superstar upset that his new coach expects an equal effort at both ends of the ice, game in and game out. Take a look at this quote and try and determine who the subject might be:

“The reason we took him off the line was, he wasn’t giving that line any forechecking,” (team’s) coach said. “I think (he) can skate a little quicker than he has been. He’s just got to give us a little bit more away from the puck, do a little bit more forechecking and play the body a little bit better.”

That was John Muckler on Alexei Kovalev in 1998. Now what about this one:

“We’re trying to get out of a situation that is not easy, and until we get 20 guys playing, it’ll be tough,” the coach told reporters before adding that he plans to speak to the player regarding his recent troubles.

That was Guy Carboneau commenting on Kovalev’s apparent lack of effort in February of this year. Finally:

“Nothing different (was asked) than from the rest of the team. You want to see consistency in effort, consistency in practice and to play a team game,” said (the coach). “All you have to do is look at the Stanley Cup final to see what can be accomplished when you play as a team.”

That last one was Cory Clouston commenting on the Heatley disgruntlement saga.

It baffles me that Murray would bring in a player with Kovalev’s reputation just as he tries to get rid of a player who would rather play elsewhere than for a coach who demands effort. And on the other side of the coin: what the hell is Kovalev thinking?

Of course I’m excited about the prospect of what Kovalev can bring, that brilliance that he clearly possesses on some nights, but what the Sens needed wasn’t another aloof offensive artist in the Spezza-Kovalev-Heatley mold, it was a puck-moving defenceman.

That need has yet to be met! If the season starts with the same defensive corps it ended with, Sens fans are in for another year of hurt. One can hope that the Heatley “sweepstakes” will yield such a prize, but if the scuttled  deal with Edmonton was any indication, Murray hasn’t identified that need as pressing, or the options available to him are paltry.

I don’t know, but for a guy who came to this team as a head coach, managed to oust the GM in order to replace him, and has now assumed many of the responsibilites of the outgoing president (whose reasons for leaving are still shrouded in mystery), I’d expect something a little more inspired than a two-year deal to for Alexei Kovalev.

Category: Frozen Vulcan  | Tags: , , , , , ,  | 3 Comments

The Rosin Bag: Honours

Tuesday, July 07th, 2009 | Author:

Roy Halladay: 2009 American League All-Star
Roy Halladay: 2009 American League All-Star

Category: The Rosin Bag  | Tags: ,  | One Comment
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